Have you ever been in that place?
I am there right now.
And I am sure you would agree that it’s not someplace anyone would want to be.
The confusion, the pain and the horrible guilt of putting that someone else too through the uncertainty is killing.
And you can’t seem to win the battle of reasons why you cannot be with them and why you want to.
How do you then decide? How do you find a perspective?
Especially if it was someone you had hitched with for life.
Thank you to everyone who has supported our petition demanding that the ‘Women Deliver’ organization apologize to the Suryanelli Rape Survivor. Below is a copy of the letter we sent to ‘Women Deliver’ along with the nearly 20,000 signatures.
The petition will stay active online till Women Deliver posts a direct apology to the Suryanelli rape survivor. If you haven’t yet, you can still sign this petition on Change.Org click here/ or on Causes.com click here
To read about the Suryanelli case click here
To read a statement by the Suryanelli survivor click here
To read what activist Arundhati Roy says about the Suryanelli case click here
To: Women Deliver
From: The 50 Million Missing Campaign
Re: Petition Demanding a Direct Apology for the Suryanelli Rape Survivor
We are a global campaign working to end genocidal violence on women in India. This letter is to convey our outrage…
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Yesterday I was having a conversation with one office colleague about friendships. And she said she had been ‘friends’ with her friends for a very very long time. With some she’s had close friendship since their childhhod.
And I told her, what I always noticed about my life, that I’ve had friends for every season. In my every need, I’ve had people appearing when least expected, becoming very good friends. Supporting, rescuing, loving through thick and thin.
I have given my 100% to the friendships and received their 100% in return. And yet, I have seen that we’ve eventually become distant.
No, not that things soured and we aren’t friends anymore. But just that the closeness evaporates. The hold is lost. It is never a deliberate falling apart but just a natural drifting away.
I have always wondered if this was normal. Or if I was just a people repeller??
I have never been sans a friend. But I haven’t had a consistent friend or a few close knit friends.
This I am saying about my women friends. In India, it is still common to be best friends with the same sex persons only. Although it isn’t uncommon to be friends with the opposite sex. But I believe that its not the same.
I personally think that a platonic, intimate relationship between a man and woman is eventually complicated by love and physical attraction.
I mean you cannot be great friends with someone with whom you don’t connect at a mental level. And if you connect there and spend much time together as friends do, you are bound to develop feelings… etc etc..
Well, I digress..
So I was saying, I don’t have friends who, for decades, have stayed as close as we started out. While the old friends still continued to be friends, I developed newer friendships and equations changed.
Has that happened to any one of you?
And then I received the following forward from a friend.
So this is to all my friends, whether you’ve been a friend for 20 minutes or 2o years:
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several…
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
Dear Dave,
When your mother and I got married, we used the standard vows right out of the book. I did not even know what my promises would be until the priest read them to me at the rehearsal. Just in case you have not read ahead, they go like this:
“I, David, take you, Lisa, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”
No trick phrases. No hidden clauses. These vows are simple enough for Forrest Gump.
“I take you to be my wife,” is a very vague job description. Who will cook? Who will clean? Fix the car? Mow the lawn? Change the diapers? Different couples work it out different ways. It is not about who does what. The important thing is with whom you do it.
In the Song of Songs, the groom says, “There are sixty queens, eighty concubines, and maidens without number. One alone is my dove, my perfect one.” (Songs 6:8-9) There are beauty queens, video stars, and girls everywhere you look. This vow says, “Of all the girls, in all the world, you are the one for me. I take you”
“I promise to be true.” No cheating. No fooling around. Enough said.
“I will love you.” Do not confuse romance with love. Romance is an unreliable feeling that incites romantic notions such as, “I will climb the highest mountain for you. I will fight dragons for you. I will die for you.” Real life poses a different challenge:
You are sitting on the couch, watching TV, and go looking for a snack during a commercial. You find some apples in the refrigerator and pick out a good one. Then you call, “Lisa, do you want an apple?” “Sure, Dave. Thanks.” But there is no second apple that looks good. Heading to the couch, you ponder which apple to give her. Romance says, “I will die for you.” Real life asks, “Are you going to give her the good apple?” Love says, “Yes, give her the best.”
“I will honor you.” This was the surprise vow for me. I did not expect to make a promise to honor her. But I gave it a try, and it worked out well. I stopped teasing her and made it a habit to defend her and take her side when friends or family wanted to pick on her.
Honor is the most unappreciated vow. Some husbands make jokes about their wives, with little put-downs that are supposed to be funny. These are bad jokes. They cut, they wound, and they destroy trust. A marriage can die the death of a thousand tiny cuts. Avoid negative humor. It is not funny.
Honor is about respect. Treat her like a queen. Make your children respect their mother. Don’t let anyone put her down. She is your lady, and your lady always gets treated with respect.
God bless you, Dave.
Love,
Dad
Life, Christ & Me 