Can’t Live With or Without You

Have you ever been in that place?

I am there right now.

And I am sure you would agree that it’s not someplace anyone would want to be.

Can't Live with or wothout youThe confusion, the pain and the horrible guilt of putting that someone else too through the uncertainty is killing.

And you can’t seem to win the battle of reasons why you cannot be with them and why you want to.

 

How do you then decide? How do you find a perspective?

Especially if it was someone you had hitched with for life.

Best Friends

Yesterday I was having a conversation with one office colleague about friendships. And she said she had been ‘friends’ with her friends for a very very long time. With some she’s had close friendship since their childhhod.

And I told her, what I always noticed about my life, that I’ve had friends for every season. In my every need, I’ve had people appearing when least expected, becoming very good friends. Supporting, rescuing, loving through thick and thin.

I have given my 100% to the friendships and received their 100% in return. And yet, I have seen that we’ve eventually become distant.

No, not that things soured and we aren’t friends anymore. But just that the closeness evaporates. The hold is lost. It is never a deliberate falling apart but just a natural drifting away.

I have always wondered if this was normal. Or if I was just a people repeller??

I have never been sans a friend. But I haven’t had a consistent friend or a few close knit friends.

This I am saying about my women friends. In India, it is still common to be best friends with the same sex persons only. Although it isn’t uncommon to be friends with the opposite sex. But I believe that its not the same.

I personally think that a platonic, intimate relationship between a man and woman is eventually complicated by love and physical attraction.

I mean you cannot be great friends with someone with whom you don’t connect at a mental level. And if you connect there and spend much time together as friends do, you are bound to develop feelings… etc etc..

Well, I digress..

So I was saying, I don’t have friends who, for decades, have stayed as close as we started out. While the old friends still continued to be friends, I developed newer friendships and equations changed.

Has that happened to any one of you?

And then I received the following forward from a friend.

So this is to all my friends, whether you’ve been a friend for 20 minutes or 2o years:

 

Best Friends

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
 
 
 
Best Friends, friendhsip
One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ‘Let’s cry together,’
Another , ‘Let’s fight together,’
Another , ‘Let’s walk away together.’

Best Friends, Friendships

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

Best Friends, Friendships, Girl friends

 

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.

 

 
Best girl friends, Friendships

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several…
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

Advice to the Groom

Dear Dave,

When your mother and I got married, we used the standard vows right out of the book. I did not even know what my promises would be until the priest read them to me at the rehearsal. Just in case you have not read ahead, they go like this:

“I, David, take you, Lisa, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

No trick phrases. No hidden clauses. These vows are simple enough for Forrest Gump.

“I take you to be my wife,” is a very vague job description. Who will cook? Who will clean? Fix the car? Mow the lawn? Change the diapers? Different couples work it out different ways. It is not about who does what. The important thing is with whom you do it.

In the Song of Songs, the groom says, “There are sixty queens, eighty concubines, and maidens without number. One alone is my dove, my perfect one.” (Songs 6:8-9) There are beauty queens, video stars, and girls everywhere you look. This vow says, “Of all the girls, in all the world, you are the one for me. I take you”

“I promise to be true.” No cheating. No fooling around. Enough said.

“I will love you.” Do not confuse romance with love. Romance is an unreliable feeling that incites romantic notions such as, “I will climb the highest mountain for you. I will fight dragons for you. I will die for you.” Real life poses a different challenge:

You are sitting on the couch, watching TV, and go looking for a snack during a commercial. You find some apples in the refrigerator and pick out a good one. Then you call, “Lisa, do you want an apple?” “Sure, Dave. Thanks.” But there is no second apple that looks good. Heading to the couch, you ponder which apple to give her. Romance says, “I will die for you.” Real life asks, “Are you going to give her the good apple?” Love says, “Yes, give her the best.”

“I will honor you.” This was the surprise vow for me. I did not expect to make a promise to honor her. But I gave it a try, and it worked out well. I stopped teasing her and made it a habit to defend her and take her side when friends or family wanted to pick on her.

Honor is the most unappreciated vow. Some husbands make jokes about their wives, with little put-downs that are supposed to be funny. These are bad jokes. They cut, they wound, and they destroy trust. A marriage can die the death of a thousand tiny cuts. Avoid negative humor. It is not funny.

Honor is about respect. Treat her like a queen. Make your children respect their mother. Don’t let anyone put her down. She is your lady, and your lady always gets treated with respect.

God bless you, Dave.

Love,

Dad

by John Przybysz, President, Christian Family Movement-USA

Self-less………not me!!!

Here’s an anecdote about a self-sacrificing woman:

A long long time ago my husband, our two sons and I had gone out for an ice-cream treat. It was sometime in early 1990s, when our pockets were not as deep as they are now; and I was always thinking of curbing unnecessary expenditure.

As a selfless person, who was too much in love with her family to deny them of any pleasure, I always chose to sacrifice my own excesses. And it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice ever, because I was a woman of very few needs (I still am). In other words I was a very basic person (and still am), who was happy with the basic food-clothing-shelter.

So, when my husband asked each one of us to choose our favorite flavor of ice-cream, I responded as usual, “I won’t have any.” The boys enjoyed one round and ordered another; my response remained the same, “I don’t want any.” I was happy in my family’s happiness. I was happy that my not indulging in a gastronomical pleasure was perhaps ensuring some more goodies for my dear ones. And, the truth was that I wasn’t even too fond of ice-cream (I still don’t care about it).

But that particular day, my husband looked at me and said, “Please don’t do this to yourself and to us. I want a happy wife; not a sacrificial lamb. I have seen that too much sacrifice eventually leads to bitterness and victim-mentality. And I sure as hell do not want you to develop that. You see, after a period of time, the boys and I will stop asking you for your choice, because we will assume that you don’t want it; and that’s when you will feel miserable and unimportant. You will think that we don’t care about you. While in truth we would be behaving naturally, knowing from experience that you don’t care for any goodies. So, I suggest that you always take your share and then if you really don’t like it, share it with someone who does. That will be good for all of us. You will learn how to claim your share and we will always ask you. There will be happiness all around.”

His lecture made sense to me and I couldn’t help but think about many older women who always complained, “I did so much for so and so but today they don’t even care for me.” I also remembered many instances where children would turn back and say, “But why did you do so much? Did we ask you for it? You did it because it made you happy. Who asked you to be so self-sacrificing?”

This train of thought made me take a re-look at the word ‘self-less’, equating it with self-sacrifice. That day this word lost some of its holy sheen, for me!

Sounds convincing. Would work well with the human nature. But….. clashes with the Christian view point. What have you to say on this?