My brother’s marriage was arranged yesterday.
Our family including my brother went to the girl’s place. My brother spoke to the girl in person, alone for about half hour. The elders spoke about the whole thing for about 2-3 hours. The ‘would bes’ conveyed their respective okays. And bam! It has been decided the two shall marry.
Not an unfamiliar situation in India.
My brother is a sincere, hard-working, loving and a very peaceful person. In the hum-drum of life and responsibilities, he did not have the time or inclination to fall in love. So we’ve been searching for a bride for him for years now. And this alliance finally clicked.
But I am not at peace!
My mother loves my brother dearly. But always had a complex of sorts that he is not highly educated. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Arts. And therefore, he will not be in ‘demand’ in the ‘marriage market’. Thereby, feeling that we somehow deserved less in terms of a nice Indian girl.
Don’t get me wrong. My mother adores him. But in our community education has high weightage. Girls and boys are highly educated and expect their spouses to be so. My brother did not get the chance to study higher. And he was also a disinterested student. And he had a job. His income was needed to run the house etc etc.
Despite this impediment of lack of a higher education, by sheer hard work and determination, he rose through the hierarchy at the work place. And is placed well in life. But the lack of better degrees was always the albatross around his neck.
Anyway, so this alliance has come to being. But I am unsure whether my brother is really happy with it or if he agreed to it to appease everyone else. Something that’s also not so uncommon in India.
I am also slightly ruffled by the fact that – and I am going to seem pretty shallow here – the girl has buck teeth.
I haven’t actually seen the girl yet, just her photo. And I am the last person to judge a person from their photo. So I am willing to concede that on meeting the girl in person, my mum and brother both decided that considering the rest of the background, her teeth didn’t seem like a huge issue.
Buck teeth in itself is not the issue here. People can fall in love with all sorts of people. But that’s ‘falling in love’. This is arranged marriage. If I could be sure that my brother has genuinely liked the girl and doesn’t see her teeth as a detriment to this union, then I would be happy for them. But I fear that he’s getting married for the sake of getting married. Which would be unfair to the girl too.
I discussed this with a friend of mine who suggested that it was now too late to bring this up with my brother. He is an adult capable of making his decisions. When he agreed to the alliance, he must have weighed the situation in his mind before taking the decision. So now I should just be happy for him and not plant any seeds of doubt in his mind by throwing my doubts at him.
All I want is my brother to be happy. Because that will go a long way to keep his marriage strong and his wife happy in it.
I don’t want his wife to suffer either only cos my brother settled.
Do you think I am off the tangent?