Can’t Live With or Without You

Have you ever been in that place?

I am there right now.

And I am sure you would agree that it’s not someplace anyone would want to be.

Can't Live with or wothout youThe confusion, the pain and the horrible guilt of putting that someone else too through the uncertainty is killing.

And you can’t seem to win the battle of reasons why you cannot be with them and why you want to.

 

How do you then decide? How do you find a perspective?

Especially if it was someone you had hitched with for life.

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I have a question

Each time something related to my son reminds me of my husband or my son points out to his daddy in a photograph, I clam up not knowing how to deal with the scene.

I would like to request your thoughts on the subject. Here are some details:

Ever since I applied for a divorce, my husband has completely disappeared from our lives. Except the occasional meet in the court, we have never heard from him. He doesn’t call to check even on his son. I am waiting for the divorce to come through so we all can move on with our lives. But he refuses to sign the papers.

On the advice of the court counselor, for a month in September 2012, he made some efforts to show that he has changed and that he wants me and his son in his life. But a week before the court date in November 2012, he disappeared again and haven’t made any contact at all.

However, though barely 2 ½ years old, my son has memories of that month with him. He can identify his father from a photo in which he is visible only from waist down.

Although I know we are advised against divorces AND Jesus would rather that we sacrifice than separate from our spouses, I am unable to return to my husband for the emotional and physical emptiness in the marriage is too devastating. And the general atmosphere in that house is depressing. I absolutely refuse to raise my son in such a place where he would grow up as emotionally messed up as his father.

It’s not that I have someone else in my life or that I want to marry again. On the contrary. All I want is a good and peaceful life for my son. The divorce is just because I need closure. And I need money.

I have invested a huge sum of money in a house we bought together, which has put me in a financial spot. But the house is now lying vacant (I think) and he’s got his name on it. And he is not showing any signs of returning just my share of money that I have invested in it. I therefore, had to resort to legal action.

I digress.

So my question to you all is – I have no negativity towards my husband. But the wounds are still too fresh. I also have NEVER stopped him from seeing his son or being part of his life. I sometimes feel terrible for my son that he is missing out on his father. But the man himself doesn’t seem interested. However, I do not want to instill any negativity into my son’s mind about his father. So how do you suggest I talk to my son about him? I mostly never talk about the man at all thereby avoiding the uncomfortable task of ‘handling’ the matter. But how long?

I want my words and actions to be an example to my son. I want to break the chain of insecurity, jealousy, emotional apathy and complete disregard for others’ needs. I need wisdom to deal with my son so that he grows up to be a whole person.

I just am at a loss as to how. How do I safeguard my son from the evils of a divorce? How do I teach him by example the Christian way of living (when I have already broken one rule 😦  ).

As long as my son is too young to understand much, I am ok. But soon the questions will come. Then what? How I deal with everything will set the stage for how he perceives relationships, emotions and goodness. I would be grateful for any suggestions on this.