I have a question

Each time something related to my son reminds me of my husband or my son points out to his daddy in a photograph, I clam up not knowing how to deal with the scene.

I would like to request your thoughts on the subject. Here are some details:

Ever since I applied for a divorce, my husband has completely disappeared from our lives. Except the occasional meet in the court, we have never heard from him. He doesn’t call to check even on his son. I am waiting for the divorce to come through so we all can move on with our lives. But he refuses to sign the papers.

On the advice of the court counselor, for a month in September 2012, he made some efforts to show that he has changed and that he wants me and his son in his life. But a week before the court date in November 2012, he disappeared again and haven’t made any contact at all.

However, though barely 2 ½ years old, my son has memories of that month with him. He can identify his father from a photo in which he is visible only from waist down.

Although I know we are advised against divorces AND Jesus would rather that we sacrifice than separate from our spouses, I am unable to return to my husband for the emotional and physical emptiness in the marriage is too devastating. And the general atmosphere in that house is depressing. I absolutely refuse to raise my son in such a place where he would grow up as emotionally messed up as his father.

It’s not that I have someone else in my life or that I want to marry again. On the contrary. All I want is a good and peaceful life for my son. The divorce is just because I need closure. And I need money.

I have invested a huge sum of money in a house we bought together, which has put me in a financial spot. But the house is now lying vacant (I think) and he’s got his name on it. And he is not showing any signs of returning just my share of money that I have invested in it. I therefore, had to resort to legal action.

I digress.

So my question to you all is – I have no negativity towards my husband. But the wounds are still too fresh. I also have NEVER stopped him from seeing his son or being part of his life. I sometimes feel terrible for my son that he is missing out on his father. But the man himself doesn’t seem interested. However, I do not want to instill any negativity into my son’s mind about his father. So how do you suggest I talk to my son about him? I mostly never talk about the man at all thereby avoiding the uncomfortable task of ‘handling’ the matter. But how long?

I want my words and actions to be an example to my son. I want to break the chain of insecurity, jealousy, emotional apathy and complete disregard for others’ needs. I need wisdom to deal with my son so that he grows up to be a whole person.

I just am at a loss as to how. How do I safeguard my son from the evils of a divorce? How do I teach him by example the Christian way of living (when I have already broken one rule 😦  ).

As long as my son is too young to understand much, I am ok. But soon the questions will come. Then what? How I deal with everything will set the stage for how he perceives relationships, emotions and goodness. I would be grateful for any suggestions on this.

Letter from a son

Don’t worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.

My friend’s son has moved out of his parents house to attend college and was unable to attend their 25th wedding anniversary. He therefore, sent the following email:

Dear Muma and Papa,

Usually on occasions like these, one sends gifts and cards to show the love that there is for those closest. At this point of time I hope to be a little more explicit in telling you how much I love you both, and there simply isn’t  anything I can buy and/or send that would do that job accurately enough for me.

But first, a little about me. When I came to Bangalore I did think that I would be leaving the person I am behind and becoming a reformed individual, ready to face what the world is going to throw at me. Exciting as that may sound, having spent an ample amount of time here, I have come to realise that the individual I am, doesn’t need much improvement. May not be the best at everything, but I do have the characteristics that really matter. Those are the things that no one can teach you at this stage in life, but they come coded within from birth and are enforced only by family. You have made me how I am today and am forever grateful to you for that. You have taught me how to handle every situation, good or bad, how to look beyond the obvious and how to think using the mind and the heart. Wherever I reach in life (physically and mentally), the one constant thing that has always been, and will always stay there, is you.

I may not call everyday, and sometimes not even message, but not an hour goes by when you are not with me. Even when I say to someone after a long day at college, ‘lets go home’, I always correct myself and say ‘lets go to the hostel’. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is with you.

Even on my birthday, I was upset that I was unable to meet you and for that matter, even talk to you at length, because of the work there was that day. I did come over the very next day, and that was great, but during that time, I did realise that life is going to be like this. That work is going to take priority, but never preference. It will take you far from family, but it can never take you apart. And here I am in the same situation on your anniversary, feeling rather upset that I am not around you, consoling myself that the only thing good about this situation is that you celebrate this anniversary the same way you celebrated your first 🙂 Was also upset when you had to cancel the anniversary celebration because of factors outside of our control, but even at that time, you taught me through example about how to handle myself in such times. I look forward to meeting you in December.

You have been my earliest and best friends. You have always given me something to aspire to be, and I’m sure life has given you hardships as well, but you have always shielded me from them, even if I didn’t want you to. Somewhere inside one of my biggest worries is whether I would be able to ever match up to the both of you as a parent one day, and whether I would be able to always offer the best to my family, like you have.

Muma, you have always been there as my strength. You somehow manage to love me at times when I’m not very fond of myself. You always have just the right thing to say, be it the thing I need to hear, or the thing I want to hear. And how much ever I hate to admit it, you are always right. You always put all of us ahead of yourself. Even right now I know you are thinking about when I managed the time to write this letter to you, and why I am not studying instead. You are the force that holds us together. The strength that keeps us moving forward.

Papa, throughout my life, you have been my hero. If I am able to be one tenth the man you are in your mind, and in your heart, I would consider myself more than successful. 

Your ability to make us smile and laugh is one of the greatest things in the world. You have always been the light that shows the correct path. The face reader we had met some time ago could spot just from a photo of you that you are truly the ‘Kalyug ke Raam’. To us, this information came as no surprise, was just good to hear it from someone else. I still remember the days when I would wait for you at around 6PM and you would come home and I would come running to you. The size of that little boy may have increased, but inside I am still the same person.

So here is wishing you a very very happy anniversary.

As someone who has seen the both of you throughout life, I can say for sure that i have truly been in the company of pure love, of two people no better suited for anyone but each other. People who in their own way are great as individuals, and even greater as a couple.

Here is to celebrating the 1st 25, and looking forward to the next…

Warm regards,

 your son

As I read this poignant note, I had to take atleast 2 breaks to compose myself and to continue reading. I felt that if my son would feel even half of what is written above then I would consider it my parenting success.

The reason for posting it here is to let you parents out there have a feel of what your children may actually be thinking of you and haven’t really let you know. Children are very perceptive. They observe you. They learn. They emulate. And it’s for keeps. A quote I love to remember is:

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.

My Top Favourite TV Shows

I was wanting to write about my top 5 favourite shows. But I realised that I have more than 5 favourites. So I changed the title of the post from Top 5 Favourite TV Shows to what it is now. Well, in no particular order, my favourite TV shows of all times have been:

  1. Friends

Friends

Monica’s neuroses, Chandler’s sarcastic humour, the dimwitted Joey, Ross the divorce-force, Rachael the fashionista and the eccentric Phoebe they all brought smiles to my blues and brightened any dull day. My favourite character being Chandler.

friends chandler

This sitcom combined wit and punch lines that left me clutching my stomach many times. The characters of these 6 friends seemed real to me and became beloved figures

chandler monica joey

There has yet to be another comedy hit on quite the same scale and with the same cultural or international appeal.

2. The Big Bang Theory

Big Bang Theory CharactersThe geeky blissful existence of the two Physicists Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter is interrupted when a wannabe actress Penny moves in across the hall.

sheldon big bang theorySheldon is at the same time both self-centered and endearing. And Leonard is the geek who dares to break their social isolation by trying to win Penny over.

Big Bang Theory Sheldon Leonard

Raj and Howard are their equally geeky friends and co-workers at Caltech’s science department.

Raj is an Indian who is ‘Americanised’ beyond his parent’s approval but is afraid of approaching women and is forever without a girl unless he is well inebriated. 🙂

Howard is Jewish and lives with his mother. As unsuccessful with women as his friends but still considers himself a ladies’ man with cheesy pickup lines and limited success rate.

big bang theory raj and howard

The geeky intellect of these four friends is contrasted with Penny’s social skills and common sense. Tons of science-related jokes, intelligent and sarcastic lines and basically loads of fun is what The Big Bang Theory is all about.

3. The Wonder Years

Kevin Arnold Wonder Years

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

The wonder years were the growing up years of Kevin Arnold narrated as a flashback by the adult Kevin. It’s about his life and friends and heart breaks and ambitions and of course, his family. I first saw The Wonder Years when I was in school myself. My life had ups and downs and I was happy and even drawn to watch this show because it stayed true to real life. It always ended in ways that I could relate to, even learn from.

4. Full House

full house

Some hate it saying its the cheesiest show ever. Then again, some will disagree. That’s inevitable. But I loved the simple drama of Danny Tanner raising his daughters as a single father after the death of his wife in a car accident. His brother-in-law Jessy and friend Joey move in with him to help him raise the kids.

It’s a sitcom about average American Family back in the 90s. And man, life was different then. Simpler, if you may. I enjoyed Jessy’s – ‘watch the hair!’ & ‘have mercy!’ and Joey’s ‘cut-it-out’ and Michelle’s ‘you are in big trouble, mister’ and Gibbler’s ‘Mr.T’… I loved the harmless, almost innocent humour of the show and the moral and emotional issues it tackled that crop up when raising kids.

5. Criminal Minds

This seems like a misfit in the series of comedies I have quoted above as my favourites. Don’t ask me why, but I just love Criminal Minds. Its only about murders and psychos and gore. But I love it. If I sit and think why, I realise it’s the characters I love the most – Morgan, Hotchner, Rossi, Jason, Prentiss and not to forget Penelope. Morgan being my favourite. Why? I just do. There’s something about the man that’s magnetic. Not to mention how handsome he is.

criminal minds

And then I am most impressed by the way they go about profiling the criminals. It makes me wonder though if such intelligent and precise profilers really do exist within the BAU! Especially because sometimes these characters “confuse critical thinking with supernatural abilities”, which seem outside the realm of real life murder investigations. Nevertheless, I am presently totally hooked on Criminal Minds.

6. Whose Line Is It Anyway?

I am back to comedies. Although I must admit when I first started watching Whose Line I did not understand the format at all. It took me a while and some serious watching for it to grow on me.

whose line

There are 4 performers in each episode and a host in the show. The format is of a ‘game show’ with a comic twist. The performers create characters, scenes, songs on the spot based on either audience suggestions or prompts from the host. What grabbed my attention is the creativity of the performers to come up with hilarious unrehearsed performances. Such impromptu humour must mean a real talent on their part. Just Wow!

7. Ally McBeal

Ally McBeal

Unique and entertaining is how I rate this show. For all her insecurities, idiosyncrasies and apparent bad luck in personal life Ally McBeal made the TV showing a delight to watch. David Kelly’s talented writing and the great performances from all the actors made the viewing further irresistable.

When I saw the episode where Ally’s therapist tells her to find a theme song for herself and Ally chooses the song ‘tell him’ which she hums while waiting at the street corner for the signal to turn green and the whole crowd dances to it, I fell in love with this show.

And the added attraction were the Vonda Shephard cover versions. Mr.Kelley’s expertly chosen music to counterpoint and illuminate the inner conflicts and outer dilemmas of the characters enhances the brilliance of his innovative series about the complexly intertwined lives, loves, obsessions and working relationships of the lawyers working for the firm of Fish and Cage, and in particular, the titular heroine of the series, Ally McBeal herself.

So there’s the list. Sure there were some other shows like Everybody Loves Raymond, Boston Legal, 3rd Rock from the Sun and X-Files that I lopped off because although I had liked them, I hadn’t really followed all the seasons with the religious singularity that I followed all of the above.

So which ones are your favourites?

OMG! Its here already!

The photobook that i had submitted online just yesterday for printing has already been delievered to me today!!!!!!!!!

And its beautiful. Just the way i had imagined…

But I am impressed by the speed of the action taken by the site in concern. Wow!

Can hardly wait to reach home and share it with the family…