Paraprosdokians and other stuff

Funny Stuff

 

 

 

 

 

Here is some funny read to put a smile on your face this morning !  🙂

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
  3. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  4. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  5. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  12. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  13. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  14. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  15. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  16. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  17. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  18. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  19. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  20. I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.

 

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

 

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

“I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – Take a clean dish and….”

 

A young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.”

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