Porn-riddled marriages…

porn riddled marriage

Some 2 1/2 years ago i ran a search on google to find out what could be wrong with my marriage!!!!!

Sounds daft, right? I mean, how is google suppose to tell you what’s wrong with your marriage?

I was typing in the symptoms that i was observing in my marriage and looking for blogs and articles and other posts on related issues in order to understand where i could be falling short or going wrong.

I found What Every Wife Needs to Know by Richard Strauss and liked what i read. I decided i already agreed with a lot of principles mentioned by Mr.Strauss. I just needed to check if i was applying them in my married life. I started consciously doing things that i thought i wasn’t doing previously.

Then i found The Wife Desired by Leo Kinsella and i devoured every word and thanked God for such grace-filled writing and for the opportunity for me to read it. I tried looking for areas in my marriage where i could make good the suggestions, right the wrongs and so on. I was in good relations with his family members. I even sort of broke off with my family because it was inconvenient for him to keep social contact with them.

I thought i was doing a good job until i slipped. Then i was being a wife ‘undesired’… I was arguing, i was questioning, i was demanding, i even fought. I tried hard to continue turning a blind eye to things that were annoying or hurting me. And continued trying to be the good wife. But i kept slipping. I realised i wanted to be ‘desirable’ but it wasn’t happening

I wanted my husband’s support, wanted some reaching out from his end, wanted just some response from his side to help me keep going on. But not only was our marriage devoid of emotional intimacy but it had a complete lack of physical intimacy as well. The extent to which he went to avoid me physically caused further disitance between us. And i was clueless why. It seemed as though he was never at home at any giiven point of the day…or night!!!

Making love was so infrequent that i know the day i conceived. A month before and over a few months after we had not come together.

I suggested counselling. It didn’t work. I suggested seeing a doctor, it was completely ignored. All this in just the first couple of months of marriage, when it is supposed to be all rosy!

And then i found p*** in his laptop. A truckload of it.

I was hurt. I was disappointed. I felt betrayed. I felt unattractive. I felt lonely.

I confronted him – got denial in return. I begged for communication – was ignored. I demanded to know what was going on – i was snapped at.

I was confused and wondered what was i lacking? What was it that i was not doing for him and his family that may cause him to diistance himself from me? What was it that i wasn’t giving him? When i was right there for him, why did he prefer p*** and mast******* over me? I am not physically unattractive, i was willing and available if he wanted. Then why?

And my google search now included newer terms – P & M.

And i discovered that i wasn’t the only one. There were millions living in sexless marriages, for various reasons. And a p***-torned marriage was very common too.

I read many, many posts that said that their marriages were broken and then there were equally many posts where the p*** addicts wanted to and had restored their marriages.

I unfortunately belong to the former category. Life just kept getting from bad to worse and dragged our marriage down in the ditches. And honestly, i could not continue with my one-sided efforts whereas he blatanly by his actions showed he didn’t care. His indifference and my loneliness just sounded the death knell of our marriage.

I read a post All That Glitters and that echoed my situation to the last word. And i was so surprised that p*** addiction and sexless marriages were as rampant as i discovered them to be.

The following sumarizes this so aptly-

One of the most extreme examples of this (porn addiction) is Ted Bundy, the US serial sexual murderer executed for his crimes in January 1989. The night before his death, he explained his addiction to pornography in a radio interview……….

The average man, of course, whatever his consumption of pornography, is no Bundy. Yet for those who have become addicted, the road to a pornography-free life can be long and arduous. Si Jones advises accountability: “Make your computer accountable, let other people check what you’ve been looking at.”

And the alternative to pornography, says Morgan, is not always easy. “Relationships are difficult. Intimacy, having a good relationship, loving your children, involves work. Pornography is fantasy in the place of reality. But it is just that: fantasy. Pornography is not real, and the only thing human beings get nourishment from is reality: real relationships. And, anyway, what do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you’d spent more time wanking on the internet? I hardly think so.”

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